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A Shelfish Elf

 

I’m an elf on a shelf
My name is Melvin Ebenezer Alowishus Rosenberg the IV
Love my job, love my boss
That’s right I work for Santa Claus
And I’m his eyes and ears when he’s up North

From November to December
We help Santa Clause remember
Who’s been naughty, who’s been nice
Who’s been playing too much Minecraft
On their Ipads when they’re supposed to be asleep

Who’s been naughty, who’s been nice
Who’s been eating lots of junk food
And not brushing like they’re supposed to after you eat

Taking notes, keeping tabs
I saw Justin throwing slabs
Of baloney against the ceiling to make them stick

I saw five-year-old Charlotte
Try to make a chocolate omelet
Out of peanut butter, eggs and Nestle Quick

From November to December
We help Santa Clause remember
Who’s been naughty, who’s been nice
Who’s on top of all their studies
And not cheating off their buddies during class

Who’s obeying mama’s wishes
Finally helping with dishes, feed the fishes
Rake the leaves and mow the grass

Ohhh, Santa wants you to know
He’s become lactose intolerant
So don’t leave out that 2%
And ooooh, no cookies no more fudge
Mrs. Claus won’t budge
Santa’s going on a diet
He can’t deny it

I’m an elf on a shelf
And I love to watch the families
Deck the halls so merrily
And decorate the Christmas tree

I was sent by the man in red
To spread the joy of Christmas cheer
Until we do it all again next year